This year I have decided not to make any new New Year's resolutions. Instead, all of mine are the same as last year. My only resolution is to keep on keeping on doing just what I've been doing. I'm going to work out at least 3 times a week, keep trying to run 10 km, eat right, study hard, be a good girlfriend, and love myself. Ya, cheesy. Sounds easy and it pretty much has been. I'm not up to any new challenges.

I'm on my AICU rotation right now at the Royal Alex Hospital. I like it there so far. I had heard a lot of bad things about The Alex from other classmates, like the people are grumpy, mean, etc etc. But none have been, at least not to me. I quite like the personalities and seem to fit in just fine there. Thing is, it really complicates my figuring out where I want to work when I graduate. So far, I want full time work in the AICU, so I'll apply at both the U and the Alex and see who offers me what. BUT, I have not done my child health rotation yet and therefore have no experience in the NICU or Pediatrics, so this could all change and I might end up wanting full time at the U of A NICU. It's all up in the air. I'm really excited about being nearly graduated though... and honestly scared shitless. Soon, very soon, I will have to worry about health care, car payments, rent, possibly a mortage, oi.

Oh, I screwed up yesterday at the hospital and ended my day sort of on a shitty note. We were admitting a new patient and the resident was prepping a sterile field to insert a femoral arterial line. He asked if someone could pull back the green sterile cloth so he could wipe with the antiseptic, so I reached to and he ended up touching my hand with his sterile wipe thingy. Oops. And then, the resident was still getting the field ready and my preceptor asked me to put the oxygen probe on the patients finger. But to get to his finger, I had to lift up this cloth which was in the way... well, I lifted up this cloth and folded it back... and it was the sterile cloth and I folded it back right into the sterile field... again. Ooops. The resident very tactfully turns to me and says, "Do you mind staying out of my sterile field?" OH I felt like such an idiot! So then I just took a few steps back and watched.. and tried to stay out the frickin' way. I left feeling really shitty. I had admitted patients to the U of A just fine without and hitches along the way and for some reason, I felt so panicked and useless doing this one. I set up the ventilator with what I thought were good settings, but totally missed setting the Flow at 60 and left it at 25 so my preceptor fixed it before hooking the guy up, and when I first turned on the vent I left the plug on the end so it woudln't run through it's self test (at the U they never left the plug on the end so I guess I just didn't think to look for it). It was supposed to be my admission and my preceptor ended up just taking it over and then in trying to stay there and roll with it and be helpful, I screw up the sterile field, not once! But twice! Yea. Before that I had the feeling I was doing a pretty good job and that my preceptor liked me, after that I just feel like burying my head. I'm back again on Tuesday and Wednesday with a new preceptor so hopefully all goes well and I've learned from my mistakes. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, I probably am, but I just hate fucking up.