you know what? i spent a lot of today reflecting on how i could have hurt this person so badly, and i could have. i could have by not fully acknowledging how he felt about me. however, i know that i never felt the same towards him. i appreciated him. i respected him. i loved his friendship and i gave every ounce of effort towards that friendship back. it would have hurt him far more had i pretending we could become something else. it would have hurt him far more to make those feelings valid than for me to have told him that i just didn't feel that way, sternly, repeatedly and had i not expressed how much i loved his friendship but that that love would never transform beyond friendship. i was nothing but honest with him. everything about our friendship was honest. and it was our friendship. no one elses. no one else had a say or played a part or gets to have a say or cast judgement on it now. fuck you nadia. i owe you no explanation for my past relationships and i owe you no explanations for my current ones. i have friends. i have guy friends. i have a boyfriend. i have it all. i thought i had good girl friends, apparently you aren't one of them. i just don't understand girls. at some point, with all my friendship, in walks jealousy and life becomes a contest and cruelty veiled behing a guise of kindness. i don't see why it has to be this way. even if according to you, all my guy friends want me and would step up to that chance if i didn't have a boyfriend, so what? while i have a boyfriend who i love and respect i have guy friends who understand that relationship and the boundries of our relationships, so so what? go to hell.