i'm feeling a strange sentimentality as of late and i'm trying to remember if i go through this as summer nears it's end every year? summer is truly nearly over for me. i have 3 weeks until i go back to school as of yesterday. 3 weeks! i feel like i've been robbed. i will have been in school, and gearing back into serious mode for a whole 2 weeks before nina has to do it. uh. i guess that's just what i have to do. yesterday i layed out on the back lawn for an hour and studied my neonatal notes only whilst i was on my stomach (so only for 30 minutes). i have to study something everyday if i hope to trick anyone into thinking i have a brain once i go back to school. respiratory therapy is hard. i know i shouldn't have put down my books for so long. but i needed summer! i needed time to just veg and do what i wanted! i refuse to feel guilty for it... at least until it slams me in the face.

2 days ago i enlarged the picture i took of grandpa's trees. it's the spot where his ashes are spread and i layed on the ground, looking up with my camera, into the canopy of branches that only giant red cedars can create. the light just barely got through enough to illuminate the very center of the photo as being slightly green. the rest just looks black and white. so i enlarged it to 8 x 10 and wrote in the bottom right corner, in silver pen, "exist in eternal and ethereal fullness." it's the last line from the last poem he ever wrote. i love it. when i go into my room, it's the first thing i see. i wish you could all see it but i lack a scanner.

sigh. i'm feeling melancholy. maybe my lunch date with aaron will cheer me up.