expired friendships

sorry. i was in a mood most foul all last week. you see, it all started with a friend asking me to go to the pilate concert at the powerplant with her. i had already known about it and had already planned on going to it with the BF. i was like, "sure! let's go!" she didn't say anything about it being meant as an exclusive deal so i still asked the boy if he wanted to go (as i had originally planned to do). he did so when i talked to her again i asked her if she wanted me to get the tickets for the 3 of us or did i need to get 4 thinking her boy may be coming? she said he wasn't so that i only needed to get 4. the time after that when i talked to her, about 2 days later, she asked me if could uninvite the boy because she had meant to invite only me! i was like, uh, um.... i don't know about that, he wants to go. so i got off the phone, thought about it and decided, no way. it's a concert. it's not an exclusive event. she didn't tell me it was supposed to be some "US ONLY" thing and it would be really mean of to uninvite my love. so i told her this. then the emails start. the mean mean emails. she sends me one asking if it's so unreasonable of her to want to do something with just the 2 of us? my reply is no, not as long as it's clear you mean it to be that way. then she tells me she'll feel all left out, and like the 3rd wheel, going with us. she and he KNOW eachother! they went to old's together for a year! they are not strangers. they get along! the 3 of us have hung out but only once before a long time ago and no was the third wheel. if anything, he said he felt somewhat left out but that he didn't mind because he knew i hadn't seen her in awhile. then, she starts to bring up all this past stuff and past instances where i had thought she had a good time and had no idea she'd been mad/hurt/upset at all. last september her and i went to see tegan and sara at dinwoodie lounge. my old best friend and still close friend and her boy were there so we ended up talking to them for a while. then we ended up watching the show with them and hanging out. we were all talking, no one was left out and she seemed to be having a good time. she brings that up and says, "if i go with you and boyfriend it'll be just like the time we went to see tegan and sara and you ignored me and talked to (old best friend) all the time." whoa. what??? i had NO IDEA! plus, it's a crock of shit. i didn't ignore her. i didn't talk to (old best friend) the whole time. she is so unhappy to share me in anyway. then she goes and brings up the only fight me boyfriend and i have ever had which was when we went to the velvet lounge for my class fundraiser and i got totally pissed and ended up at the bar after telling him i'd be right back to dance with him, taking shots, for about 45 minutes. and before that i'd left him for an hour, half an hour and so on all after telling him, "i'll be right back." i was unaware i was doing it, but i did it. so she brings that up, she says, "how can you think that i won't be left out when you leave out yoru own boyfriend, and abandon him for hours, just because you get so easily distracted. " i lost it. that's not fair. it's really really not. she can't use past instances as ammo! so i ended up telling her that she can either grow up, or suffer the lonely life. that i'd be at the concert and that if she still wanted to go, that i'd see her there. she emails me that "i'm not comfortable walking into places by myself, nevermind going anywhere alone. that's why i asked you in the first place. so, have fun." what bull. if she really can't even walk into a place alone, she's going to have one hell of a hard time in life. anyhow, i haven't talked to her since. i can't handle her guilt trips. she acts like we're married and i need to ask her permission to do stuff and she gets so jealous of the other people in my life. for the longest time i'd ask her along to things that i was doing just to try and see her. like, if vickie and i were going to play pool somewhere i'd ask her to meet up. she wouldn't. if BF and i and a few friends were going to a movie, i'd invite her along. she be gung hoe about it and then call last minute with "me boy and i are just going to stay in tonight" or tobogganning with people from school which then got cancelled so i never called her to tell her it was cancelled because she didn't show any interest in going anyways so then when i told her it was cancelled after the fact she got mad at me for not telling her because "what if i'd shown up??" well, i knew she wouldn't. so she also got mad at me for asking her to do stuff like that with me, group stuff, because anytime i try to arrange single stuff, she backs out and i'm left planless. so i made it into group stuff so that if she backs out, which she will, i'd still have something going on and not be disappointed. i get to so disappointed when i plan something and it fails. so she says, "you think that inviting me along to all this stuff is any indication of you actually wanting to see me? it's more like, "i'm doing this anyways so you can come if you want to." you don't even care if i'm there!" well, it is "i'm doing this anyways you can come if you want to," but of course i care if she's there! if i didn't, i wouldn't ask her. i'm just never surprised that she's never there. it's crap. way to high maintenance. i don't have the time in my life to fix her self-esteem issues and have her see that i'm trying everything i can to try and please her while maintaining my self. but know what? it's like she's asking that if we ever go out together, i not talk to anybody. i can't do that! i run into people i know and i'm not going to ignore them. and if there isn't anybody i know, by the end of the night i'll know somebody. i can't NOT be social. people interest me and i find it easy to strike up conversations. if i have to be someone else to see her, i'm not going to see her. i haven't talked to her/emailed her in about a week. and i'm not going to. awful thing is, i don't miss her. everytime i talk to her, all she does is whine.

and i don't even bad for not missing her. you'll all think i'm a bad person for that but you don't really know me. i get walked on/guilted into things all the time. and seriously, if you're guilted into friendship, how is that friendship at all?