daily blah

i'm sad. and mad.

i was supposed to have coffee with cathaleen yesterday and she called to tell me she wouldn't be back in the park that evening. so, we were supposed to do something today. she was going to pick me up from school but said, "call me tomorrow and we'll arrange that." i called her at noon, 1, and 2 when i was done school and she never picked up or called me back. i came home. i was really looking forward to going out. why does it have to be complicated? i feel like she's someone i want to date who is playing hard to get and i'm all like, 'should i call again? maybe she didn't get the message. no, no, i'll just wait for her to call her back... ya, that's what i'll do. shit, i'll just call one more time...' and she doesn't call back! yet, when we do hang out, it's great and really really fun, like it always used to be.

why do i feel the way no one wants to admit they ever feel when they first start dating someone, towards someone who used to be my best friend and i should be most comfortable around?

uh, i need tea.