Ragin'

i feel an unexplainable anger.

i'm just plain old ticked. maybe cause nina has a stalker and i'd like to do the kind of bodily harm to him that i would not like to think i'm capable of?

maybe because alex is watching arrested development and i know that if i'd stayed on the phone with him i would have been repeating myself 3 times, even though he says no? but hardly. i'm just going to call him back.

maybe because i keep scoffing at mom not because i'm mad at her but just because i'm mad and she laughs and calls me napolean? ya, i wish i was that cool.

i think it's mainly because i still have not heard from cathaleen and i'm fucking sick of being a bowling pin. just for once i'd like to be the goddamn ball! i'm thinking of just leaving her fucking christmas present on her stupid garage doorstep just so i'm not the one waiting for her to appear in my life again. fuck her. maybe i'll even break it first.

i don't want to go to school tomorrow. i don't want to have my NALS and PALS lab where i fumble through a scenario trying to do the right thing to save a newborn. and why are all the dolls girls? i really don't think it'd be that hard to attach a fake little pecker to a fake little scrotum... it might be more fun for the doll maker than making the tiny little slit that's supposed to represent a baby vagina all the time.

tomorrow, after school, i'm going to whyte ave. with aaron. at least i know she'll follow through. i'd better go ponder what to wear of my closet full of "nothing to wear" and than feel bad over not having any money to change that with and then feel worse for wishing i had more when i already have so much more than the majority of the humanoids populating this planet. i love clothes. i want money.