It’s Been a Bad Day, Please Don’t Take My Picture

Dear Michael Stipe: I know just how you feel though I doubt there is anyone lurking to snap a shot of me. Rob insists though that Beau may be hiding in my bushes in his sailboat, stalking me. This is because Rob does not like Beau and as I see it, guys will go to any length to sabotage another’s image. Many guys I know do not like the other guys I know. As my Grandpa says, “When it comes to guys and you, they are all standing in a room fighting eachother with their erections as swords.” Grandpa is weird. Thanks for the clarity Gramps, and the visual!

I would believe they put a man on the moon though maybe not if I’d died before that happened. Oh Andy Kauffman, where are you now?

Dear Everyone other than Michael Stipe: I am surprised to find out that Amy is the same size as me. Not that I thought she was itty bitty or large or anything such as that; I just thought she was smaller. Perhaps this is due to her delicate nature. She is very well spoken and sharp, and I know this is only making sense to me. Oh well, I know what I mean. Or maybe it’s due to my perception of myself. I thought I was larger than her! It’s funny how size is perceived really. One of my teachers had to estimate my weight as if he was putting me on a ventilator and he guessed 120. Well, I’ll be Kate Moss ala her waif era! Try 140 Sweetie. I think this false perception of size is due to the fact that one cannot be aware of how they are perceived by others so all one has to base one’s size on one’s own perception of oneself and trying to guess what other people see. I think I am larger than what I actually am. I think this is because I look to the scale and see 140 as a larger number when I should really be going by ‘DAMN do I ever look good naked!’ How you feel, how you SEE yourself in mirror, looking less critically in a mirror, should be more of a marker than what a stupid number says. I don’t know why I’m thinking of this so much… possibly because my jeans are tighter and I just tell myself it’s because they were just washed… though they weren’t. Possibly because I should be studying and why not think of everything else while I’m at it? I need the break though.

Dear Alex: I am very happy that you are beginning to appreciate the T-Rex more. I do think that you need more reasons besides his interest in eating ribs. Remember, he did eat the Trisauratops, my favourite dinosaur. Remember, the T-Rex is a bully at heart.

Dear Amy: As it turns out, the last post had nothing to do with why I asked your size. It had to do with something this which at this time, I cannot say. I’m so not subtle. I’m used to it though.

Dear Jill: I enjoyed our text convo yesterday. It was a welcome study break!

Dear Rhian: I know it's my turn, but I would love for you to email me. As I said, you are very interesting. Remember the snowbank? Oh the snowbank!

But now I must go back or face academic suicide.